3 Steps to Becoming a Better Communicator

3 Steps to Becoming a Better Communicator

As human beings we are social animals by nature.  Regardless if you’re an introvert or an extrovert, communication is critical to your everyday interactions since none of us live on a deserted island.  Yet learning to communicate is one of the few things that are rarely talked about in our education.  If you’re lucky, maybe the company you end up working at has some trainer come in to explain, otherwise a good chunk of the population is not even exposed to the art of communication

Communication Beyond Talking

The common misconception we have about communication is if both sides are talking then you are communicating.   But if both parties are talking and no one is listening, then what happens?  Nobody hears what the other person is saying anymore.  It goes back into the idea of intention, what areyou intending to happen when you talk?  Do you hope the other person will understand you?  Or are you trying to bridge the gap between two ideas and communicate in a way the other party can understand.

What Happens When We Communicate?

Always bear in mind we all come from different backgrounds, families, education, friends and more.  We each have our own interpretations, definitions, filters, despite the fact we still share the language.  As a result, the same phrase can have drastically different meaning for different people.  Take the color red, we all have an imaginary color in your head, some people may see a pinkish color while others see a bloody red tone.  Another words, although we may be using the same language, the way it is interpreted and received by different people can be drastically different.

The Hard Part…Being Specific

In order to try to save time in communication, we end up taking a lot of shortcuts and assumptions when we are talking to one another.  In everyday conversations, we settle for the idea  and allow for certain amount of ambiguity because its not that important.  Take for example a conversation between two people where one says to another that they’re craving some peanut butter.  The idea is clear enough that they can be talking about the same topic, but there is a lot of detail left open ended such as is the person referring to something sweet or not, crunchy or smooth or other characteristics.

Knowing this we understand that its merely impossible to communicate every single thing in its fullest form. This is where we need to be actively aware of the differences in interpretation when communicating.  Let go of assumptions that you have the same filters and began to close the gap between two perspectives.

Seeing it From the Other Side

Besides the awareness of filter differences within language, another important factor is to understand their logic and temporarily let go of you own.  Like the filters of definition, different people have different logic and values.  If the values are different between the two people, then even if you are seeing the same truths, the perspectives you view things may be completely different.

Say a discussion happens between two people about efficient use of time.  Depending on each individual’s values and preferences the two sides can be very different.   One person may spend it on work while another in love and relationships, both is correct but very different views.

To Recap…

To be a more effective communicator there are a few points to watch out for.

  1. Definition and interpretation differences with same vocabulary
  2. Logic, values, and perspective differences in the topic at hand
  3. temporarily let go of your own views to understand where the other party is coming from

Once you’ve mastered these three steps, then it just comes down t how good are you at understanding different logic and values and your ability to let go of your own biases enough to listen and connect.


Living life in the pursuit of Love, passion & creativity. Legally blind since the age of 10 and diagnosed with narcolepsy & PCOS, I'm sharing what I've learned in my journey of overcoming adversities and what life has taught me along te way.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *